Old Journal Entry II: "My Choices" (ELS)

Age: 19

I am experiencing my “quarter life” crisis and life as a young adult seems very complicated at times. Each day my morals, my personality, and my beliefs can be challenged. There is not a day where I do not find myself questioning who I am or who I want to be.
Like one great philosopher said, "For every good thing something bad is a reaction to it—and consequently it must happen.” This quote is relevant to my present position in life because I am currently realizing each day that there is no universal “guaranteed success” path for life. Despite my effort to please the most people I can, I have learned sadly that I can never please everyone! It does not matter if I become the "sell out" corporate lawyer or the Ché Guevara T-shirt wearing activist—not everyone will agree with my life decisions. But this is rightly so because my decisions concern my life. This subtle "fact of life" will enable me to mature more as a man.
However, challenging my personal values will also contribute to my progression to adulthood. I find that it is simultaneously a sad and proud moment of introspection when I encounter threats to my basis of beliefs. I would compare this process of self-examination to surgery.

My numerous doctors are my peers, who consistently diagnosis me with "infections" by simply posing questions or presenting an opposing view that causes me to think critical of myself. When I encounter these ideas I begin to question and cut the part of my opinions that I feel is not conducive to who I want to become. This past year alone I have discovered previously undetected "infections" such as misogyny, homophobia, and racism—which I feel all resulted from 18 years in Middle America with no prescriptions of critical thinking.

Despite all the time I have spent in America's Bible belt and being consumed with
ignorance and complacency, I have begun to acquire a critical mind that I can use to
combat these illnesses. I feel this use of critical thinking enables one to get closer to
one’s true beliefs. If I examine my values critically from different perspectives and still believe in those same values, then I know I sincerely accept them as truth—instead of believing something my entire life because someone taught me to believe it.