Late Flower Delivery

We were both so young and mischievous. We'd give our younger cousins fits, annoy my big sister, and con our parents into anything. Our mothers are sisters. My mother being the younger sis by two years, much like I was the younger cousin. We were an inseparable team and when outsiders tried to get busy and infiltrate the our bond, things would instantaneously get ugly. I talked shit, he backed it up (without hesitation). If he was around, I was always safe. I have memories of a time when our father's weren't finishing the BBQ soon enough, so we took it upon ourselves to grill some hot dogs over a kerosene lamp. Once we decided we could make delicious cookies using cupcake mix and the leftover cinnamon from the twists you get at taco bell. Christmas and summers were our time, whether my family travelled to KC or his to AR, we knew that we'd be in for at least 2 weeks of familial bonding. As we got older and the trips began to dry up, we seemed to drift apart. We most recently saw one another in 2001 around the same time as the funeral of our great aunt (which he refused to attend), never understood why, maybe it was too hard for him (she had played a much larger role in raising him than she had in my upbringing). I took for granted the relationship that I have with my older sister and brother, not realizing that he never got the chance to enjoy such a relationship as his brother had been in jail most of his life. As I would do well in school to impress my sister, he participated in other activities that he felt would impress his brother. As my life was changing so was his. I went to college, he went somewhere as well for a couple years.....As I began my career, he began one too.....as our lives took these divergent paths I began to close myself off from our once close relationship for fear of the inevitable, and (though I didn't realize it) became very judgemental of decisions that he had made. When I received the phone call from my sister that something bad had happened.......I braced myself. She said, "There's been an accident and they don't think he made it." Everything went silent.....for I knew that was a way to soften it for the next phone call I would receive shortly thereafter. She called me back saying, "Shawn is gone." I was unable to attend the funeral, which was held today, and am not sure if I've dealt with the grief yet, but I want to say to the world, well at least to my readers that I loved and do love my big cousin, and I hope that he's resting with Aunt Artie Mae, Aunt Maurine, and our Grandparents.

"......people never get the flowers while they can still smell 'em"

YouTube Ridiculosity

In Honor of This Is It's release on DVD tomorrow evening, I just thought I'd share this with you all....ENJOY

The Lost and Divine Art of Respecting Traffic Flow

I am of the opinion that 95% of all problems that occur between people are a direct result of people not understanding their place or role in a situation. Often times, we lend ourselves more importance thatn the universe has alotted us. We misunderstand exactly how much weight we carry and end up getting our feelings hurt. If people allowed their feelings to be hurt and then moved on with their lives, there wouldn't me much issue, it's the inability to entertain not being right that gets us into trouble. Are you still not understanding what I'm saying? Maybe this example will help you out:

Overzealous Party Goer (OPG): Don't worry we aint gotta wait in line and we're getting in for the free, I know the owner.

(His Friends buy this, they all head to the club, and proceed to skip the line)

(They make it to the front of the line and are met by a BIG ASS BOUNCER (BAB))

BAB: Name Please

OPG: Yo muh dude, I'm ME, so put us in the place

BAB: Nah, bruh, I don't see your name

OPG: But I know the owner, we go waaaay back

BAB: I don't see your name and I've been given strict instructions to follow the list, NO EXCEPTIONS

OPG: Say Bruh, you need to re-look at the list before I get pissed

BAB: It's not on here so if you could kindly get you simple ass in line and pay like errybody else, I won't have to embarrass you

OPG: Nah PHUCKALLADAT

~~~~~~~EVERY THING GOES BLACK~~~~~~~~~

OPG wakes up in the hospital, he didn't realize that the bouncer was a black belt and former NFL Linebacker, and would have never found out had he STAYED IN HIS LANE.

This brings to mind a quote that I got from a former boss, "Don't worry E. Jamal, that man is about as important in this instance as he's ever going to be in life." In that moment OPG felt as if the importance that he had assigned himself was being encroached upon in some fashion and acted out accordingly. Had he respected the authority entrusted to the bouncer, everyone could have had a wonderful evening. I know the example seemed really specific, but I will display it again, this time in the form of an equation:

(p+c)^si+of=E or (person+crowd)^self importance + opposing force=Embarrasment

Much like all other mathmatic equations, the value of this one can be completely changed by substituting one value in for another. If you were to substitute humility for self importance, the new result would be totally different. It may not end in the person totally avoiding embarrasment, but the degree would certainly diminish greatly.

Change of Pace~~~~~~

I feel that the power to discern when you have over stepped your boundaries (re: veered from your lane) can assist in the continuity of any interpersonal relationship. As people grow and change, the value that they hold for one another also changes. The thing that many people grapple with is when it is appropriate to test the waters and assert their position. This puts both you and the other person in a very precarious position. Let's take it to elementary school:

Susan and Vivian had been best friends since pre-school, but upon attending different schools for the first time (high school) things began to change. Vivian became jealous of Susan's new friends and was always angry when they were around. It came to a head when Vivian put it on the line, drop them or drop me. They haven't spoken since. Who is at fault? Forcing someone to choose between two people that hold importance in their life is no bueno and could easily cause an irrepairable rift in a relationship.....so what's more important, your disdain or the friendship?

Well, I'll leave it there. Just wanted to post something. I know it's disjointed, but feel free to comment....or not :)

iRefuse to be a HOARDER......

"Only by going alone in silence, without baggage, can one truly get into the heart of the wilderness. All other travel is mere dust and hotels and baggage and chatter."

John Muir

I sometimes watch that show "Hoarders" in complete and utter disgust, but what makes me any different than any one of these people? Is it the fact that i don't keep old McDonald's Happy Meal toys stacked up to the ceiling? Nah, is it the idea that i like to straighten up the house every now and again for my own sanity? Nope, well it must be the fact that I am a fan of the power of "Pine-Sol", right? No, the only difference between the people depicted on this show is the fact that every now and again, I find it necessary to purge various things from my life. They can be inanimate, abstract, or even people. Be they new additions that aren't pulling their weight or old mainstays that have overstayed their welcome, I pride myself on not harboring a spirit of fear when it comes to ridding myself of these obstacles.

I rejoice when it's time to get a new cellphone for several reasons. I mean, it's amazing to have a functioning trackball, a clean screen, and unstuck keys, but my joy comes from the fact that I have to start over from scratch with phone numbers. It gives me the freedom to restart with only the numbers I have committed to memory and regather phone numbers as people call me. Thus allowing my BlackBURRRRRy to not be cluttered with crap. I digress.....

Today, I took the time out to clean up the list of people that I follow on twitter (follow me here). It seems as if twitter is sort of a microcosm of actual life. You have the lames that are trying to do whatever they can to get noticed, you have the people that joined it because it was trendy, you have those that use it to have a good time and don't take it too seriously, and you have the people that have yet to understand how to use it. This lead me to go ahead and thin the herd in cyberspace much like i did in the real world. On Twitter, you are said to "follow" the people that you pay attention to within the larger conversation that the site provides. I feel that the term follow is really strong and thus felt compelled to really decide who was worthy of having me as a "follower". Needless to say, I went from 600 down to 413. It was kinda parallel with the way that life sometimes works. I put people in several different categories to decide how we were going to proceed with them as a member of my twamily. This yielded 2 two large groups that were named were people that I will continue to follow and people that can kick rocks. These groups were comprised as follows:

Continue to follow people who:

*I actually know

*Are entertaining

*Are thought provoking

*Are any combination of the above

Discontinue following people that:

*don't have names that are readily recognizable (don't tweet often enough)

*Never say anything that I care to comment on

*RT-aholics (not everything that Lil Duval says is thought provoking SMDH)

*non-celebs with unreal amounts of followers

I feel that with these I was off to a good start, the next step is to unplug from the situation so that I may actually re-engage in real life. There are people that I haven't seen in years that I don't really miss since their every thought is broadcast daily on my blackberry.

And finally (yes I started a sentence with the word AND), I've started the painstakingly slow trek down memory lane that occurs when one attempts to delete content from their facebook account. I'm actually taking a much more reactionary approach to this one though. I've created a list of things that can have someones friendship status with me rescended. This list includes, but is definitely not limited to:

*Engaging me in a Pillow Fight

*Engaging me in a Food Fight

*Using numbers instead of letters (e.g. M3 instead of ME)

*Having profane language involved in your facebook name

*Anything that annoys me (up to my discretion)

So there you have it, ways to clean up your cyber life, next the real world.....

A Real Test in Humanity...

As we all know, on Tuesday Haiti was struck by an enormous earthquake that had the magnitude of a 7.0 earthquake. Early indications suggested that this tragedy has claimed over 100,000 lives and due to the destruction of the country's infrastructure many more that were injured maybe susceptible to losing their lives as well. I believe that this unfortunate event will really test the empathy of the general world population. Haiti, which is one of the poorest countries in the western hemisphere is now calling for help. How will the world population respond? I know there are symbols of world unity such as the United Nations and other entities such as the World Bank but will the world super powers unite to sustain a country that is in dire need for help? Or will they simply raise money, that never gets to the population that needs it desperately, and give a few donations until the next tragedy or Tiger Woods story occurs--when the ADD populous forgets about the Haitian population that still needs to rebuild six months from now. Will foreign governments collaborate to invest in a country that won't be able to supply those that helped it with oil, resources, or gold? Can governments INVEST in the social capital of fellow human kind and not for personal or national gain? That's one of two, great questions that I'm not sure what the exact answer is.

The other is...

So what are we going to do? As an individual, who isn't named Gates or Winfrey, I do feel a little helpless. I want to help and I have donated but now I'm thinking what now? What do you? What do I say to the many friends that I have who don't even know if family members are alive, hungry, homeless or dead? What do you say when you see one of life's contradiction. It's times like these that I really force myself to be optimistic and pray for humanity to reach our full potential--not in selfish gain but reaching true humanity where we are ALL of our brothers and sisters keepers on Earth.

Pray, Support, and Work for Haiti!
You can donate to Partners in Health (PIH) via the Angel Network which is matching up to $25,000. The website is http://www.angelwish.org/.

ELS

We Need an Anthem.....

"In a world filled with hate, we must still dare to hope. In a world filled with anger, we must still dare to comfort. In a world filled with despair, we must still dare to dream. And in a world filled with distrust, we must still dare to believe"

-Michael Jackson (1958-2009)

We all know that I'm a huge Michael Jackson fan, but what I've learned in the last few days based on the way in which people are responding to the Haitian earthquakes is that we could definitely use another anthem from him. I mean let's just think over the last few decades, we've had an anthem to rally behind for several tragedies. An anthem helps to unify people in a way that only music can. It puts words and music to the way that so many people are feeling. When people can't put words to how they feel, they generally lash out in some way. (Re: blaming the Haitian Earthquake on a pact with the devil, or Hurricane Katrina on New Orleans Debauchery)

Anthems that MJ has given us have included:

We Are the World

Man in the Mirror

Heal The World

Earth Song

What More Can I Give

I actually dig What More Can I Give, we could actually reuse it at this juncture. So in the wake of this latest tragedy, who is going to pen an anthem to unite people in a spirit of brotherhood in order to get over to Haiti and do the work that needs to be done? Are we to wait on R. Kelly to write it, then allow his sexual deviancies to resurface? or we can get one from Soulja Boy have the reigns......WOW this is Even Worse than I thought. The more I think about it the more depressing it gets.

I know that this post has leaned alot toward my selfish need for an anthem in order to make sense of it all, so at this time I will list links to agencies that are taking donations so that you can do your part:

Yele Haiti

Red Cross

Unicef

The people on the Island of Haiti are our brothers and sisters, this is a human tragedy.

Your thoughts?

Embracing my Whole Self

Apparently Earnest means something marked by or showing deep sincerity or seriousness. Although I know I haven’t given an earnest effort in getting to know Earnest or more importantly letting others meet the whole Earnest. Throughout my life I have always attempted to expose those qualities that others felt were acceptable or desirable even if it wasn’t my true nature—and in certain cases in which I lacked a characteristic I would simply fabricate my perception because after all “perception is reality.” This cliché is true but society never expounds on the side effects from creating these facades—controlled schizophrenia.

At a certain point you start to crack because you don’t know which personality is the real you. This year I will concentrate on only wearing my true self—the good and the bad—around those I interact with. Someone once told me that true confidence is displayed when an individual is comfortable with his/her real self, the self that the individual doesn’t think anyone knows about. I believe more confidence will be displayed in my own life when I grow to accept my humble background and “outsider” accent, as well as the traits that I don’t even like about myself.

So as long as I continue to embrace my intelligence, athleticism, charisma I also need to acknowledge and examine my bad attitude, arrogance, and pretentious behavior. If someone isn't willing to love me beyond my strengths and weaknesses, then that person was probably more interested in one of my facades than the true Earnest.

Welcome to the Year 2010 (Only for VIP's, is your name on the list?)

Let's not mince words, 2009 was a really tough year. I'm not going to say that it was a tough year for me, because that would be ignoring the difficulties that various others faced as well. So, I will just say that 2009 was a tough year as a whole. The best thing that happened in the year of 2009 was that at 11:59:59 p.m. on December 31st, it was one second from ending. My goal with 2010 is to make it my best year yet and reorganizing the way that I've prioritized things in my life.

I am making it my personal goal and objective to be true to myself and only entertain friendships or relationships that are in line with this goal. My 2010 is an invitation only soiree'. By this assertion, I mean that if you are not concerned with my well being, then don't bother trying to crash this party. What does it mean to be concerned with my well being? I'm so glad that you asked. Anyone who is concerned about me wants whats best for me in general and only accepts the best from themselves. I'm of the opinion that iron sharpens iron. If you focus on your success and aren't actively impeding mine, you are then creating a situation that could foster success from us both. Get It? Got It? Good!!!!

This year I'm giving it up to GOD!!! I've so often assumed that if I were to change something about myself or just wait on it, everything would work itself out. I've learned that GOD is so necessary and that I've only enjoyed a surface relationship with him. It's time for me to dig deep and truly have a relationship with the father. If anyone in my life isn't willing to support this, won't receive an invite to 2010.



You've got to claim it to obtain it in the 2k10........In closing here is a nugget of inspiration to assist and getting your year off to the right start:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hDe6g3-r_oo

2010: Becoming What I Believe...About Myself

"We think in secret, and it comes to pass. Our environment is but our looking glass." - James Allen from As a Man Thinketh.

Happy new year to all my family, friends and colleagues! We have been blessed enough to see a new year and we must remember that our best days have yet to come. No matter the extent of the highs and lows of an inconsistent contradictory 2009 year, 2010 is here now and takes full priority over all that has happened in 2009, 2008, 2007 and so on.

I see 2010 as an opportunity for myself to focus on the progress of becoming the person I was created to become. I will reach my self actualization (my fully potential) by taking full control of my strongest weapon...my mind. In 2009 I must admit I did a great job of shifting the language of my life by surrounding myself with inspirational words, phrases and and images that displayed my short and long term desires. Through this action and the sure grace of God I was able to accomplish way more than I imagined--and maybe that is exactly where my problem lies. Every year I write a "wish list" for my life but never have I truly believed that I could accomplish each goal or even goals that surpass them.

In 2010 I will make a conscious effort to construct my thoughts to reflect what I want my world to be -- or better yet who I want to be.

Have a great 2010...forget about 2009, 2008, 2007, and etc because all that matters is who do you want to be in 2010 and beyond. So what do you believe....about yourself?

Man in the Iron Mask

This is an old post from my Xanga but indicative about how i find myself feeling alot lately......

Honestly it is getting tiring keeping up the facade of a well put together young man. It is no fault of my parents, my upbringing, nor of my environment. I have chosen this prison for myself, but it is time to break out. I am constantly the calm and collected one that pretends as if everything is or will be fine. Recent events have proven to test my ability to keep up this charade. I am often met with feelings of hopelessness, sorrow, and uselessness. I often feel that my existence will not make or break anyone's day. These thoughts will never manifest themselves into anything in the way of self destruction or anything of the sort, but they are thoughts nonetheless. I always walk around with a smile of some sort, because I feel like this problem is mine to be borne by me and no one else. Maybe this is my chief character flaw. I often trust people far more than they should be trusted and pretend to not be hurt and disappointed when the trust is broken (all in an effort to protect my tough exterior). I allow others to thrust their problems on me, because a problem shared is a problem divided right? I don't know what I'm going to do in the future, and I honestly don't know if that decision matters to anyone. I often have feelings of guilt for having lost my scholarships and forcing my parents to help finance my education. I feel as if I've wasted tons of opportunities and disappointed those who I care about. Even the things that once made me happy leave me empty, yet I smile so that people will be none the wiser. For if I let them know how I truly feel, they would have ammo, and I really don't need that. I have a lack of passion and can't think of any activity that truly brings me any measure of enjoyment anymore. I can't really think of the last time that I had a truly happy moment that was honest, sincere, and not magnified in order for others to be convinced that I'm happy. But hey, that's the mask I've chosen to wear......