Late Flower Delivery

We were both so young and mischievous. We'd give our younger cousins fits, annoy my big sister, and con our parents into anything. Our mothers are sisters. My mother being the younger sis by two years, much like I was the younger cousin. We were an inseparable team and when outsiders tried to get busy and infiltrate the our bond, things would instantaneously get ugly. I talked shit, he backed it up (without hesitation). If he was around, I was always safe. I have memories of a time when our father's weren't finishing the BBQ soon enough, so we took it upon ourselves to grill some hot dogs over a kerosene lamp. Once we decided we could make delicious cookies using cupcake mix and the leftover cinnamon from the twists you get at taco bell. Christmas and summers were our time, whether my family travelled to KC or his to AR, we knew that we'd be in for at least 2 weeks of familial bonding. As we got older and the trips began to dry up, we seemed to drift apart. We most recently saw one another in 2001 around the same time as the funeral of our great aunt (which he refused to attend), never understood why, maybe it was too hard for him (she had played a much larger role in raising him than she had in my upbringing). I took for granted the relationship that I have with my older sister and brother, not realizing that he never got the chance to enjoy such a relationship as his brother had been in jail most of his life. As I would do well in school to impress my sister, he participated in other activities that he felt would impress his brother. As my life was changing so was his. I went to college, he went somewhere as well for a couple years.....As I began my career, he began one too.....as our lives took these divergent paths I began to close myself off from our once close relationship for fear of the inevitable, and (though I didn't realize it) became very judgemental of decisions that he had made. When I received the phone call from my sister that something bad had happened.......I braced myself. She said, "There's been an accident and they don't think he made it." Everything went silent.....for I knew that was a way to soften it for the next phone call I would receive shortly thereafter. She called me back saying, "Shawn is gone." I was unable to attend the funeral, which was held today, and am not sure if I've dealt with the grief yet, but I want to say to the world, well at least to my readers that I loved and do love my big cousin, and I hope that he's resting with Aunt Artie Mae, Aunt Maurine, and our Grandparents.

"......people never get the flowers while they can still smell 'em"